Modesty

Modesty.

Oof. Big word.

Here's the truth: It's never been anything other than subjective.

And a lot of the time, "modesty" is just a fancy way to describe people chasing approval.

I used to be modest.

Now I'm just me. I don't get dressed thinking about what someone else thinks. I get dressed wearing things I like and feel good in. I'm not chasing attention.

I'm also not running away from it.

Attention isn't a factor of how I get dressed in the morning.

Weather, comfort, and my own style are.

And now I'm gonna be dangerous: I love looking attractive!

But I don't "look attractive" hoping for attention--I do it for me cause I like it!

A few years ago I was listening to a podcast by Sheila Wray Gregoire and her daughter made the sage remark that what do they mean when they say, "Buy modest clothes"? Like, there's no "modest section" at Walmart!

Then I had to laugh. Recently I posted a picture of me wearing sage green pants and a black tank top. Someone commented how nice it was to see a modestly dressed woman. Well friend, back in my day, that outfit was Jezebel.

Pants and sleeveless on a woman? Devil's daughter.

Today I started my day at hot yoga in a sports bra. The first time I wore that to yoga last spring a thousand warning bells sounded in my head that I was going to get "talked to."

Cause I used to get "talked to" plenty. About things like wearing pants.

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But here's the real kicker.

Us good Christian girls were sold modesty. That phrase, "modest is hottest..." like the more covered we were, the better of guys we were going to attract.

And maybe that's the case sometimes or in some way... but sometimes you attract some pretty creepy guys. And the stories of abuse are horrific and far too prolific from modest women who married "good Christian guys."

Because here's the truth: Men actually tend to like their women looking hot. Slutty no, but hot yes. So as I see it, and I don't want to make this a blanket statement, but if a guy is going for the girl with a long denim skirt and a turtle neck, he might be chasing her, but he's probably also chasing something else:

Approval.

Approval from his community.

And that doesn't get named.

So here I am, naming it.

I will spare you with all the ways that that energy can devastate a marriage.

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Then there's the whole phenomena of men wanting women to "dress modestly" so that they aren't tempted. That does get talked about, fortunately.

Wanna know something? I'm a woman. And I think tempting thoughts too.

You know what turns me on? Intelligence, humor, and great conversations.

So I should start a propaganda machine telling guys to be duller. Not funny. Less interesting.

Way too tempting.

Really, think about it for a second.

That's wild, isn't it?

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There's this legend about the planet Venus. Everyone on Venus is hot. Even the air has a palpable sizzle. You just wake up in the morning with that little buzz, that pep in your step, ready to tackle life!

What an awful place to live, I'm sure. The temptation must just be too much to bear. I'd way rather live somewhere where everything is drab. Everyone is dull. As outdated as the leftover milk in the fridge.

Wouldn't that be so much better, a world of no temptation?

Here's the truth: We want the spark. We crave the sizzle. We actually do have capacity to handle "temptation." And it doesn't have to destroy us.

A fire can burn a house down or warm the living room.

And what if...

What if desire consumes and destroys, not because we have too much sensuality in our world, but because there's devastatingly little.

So little, that at the first flavor of fire... we rush in like starved animals until we've burned the house down because we've been frozen for so long.

What would it feel like if we turned up the heat just a touch--

Felt the air come alive with magic?