Nihilism: What if Meaninglessness was Ultimate Meaning?

“Meaningless! Meaningless! says the Teacher. Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless.” (Ecclesiastes 1:2)

The day my world died.

The day hope went to die.

The day "meaning" stopped breathing.

I was sitting on my back porch, that warm May evening four years ago. And the weight I carried. I was a young mom and I wanted to "make it" to heaven. I wanted that for my kids too. And for everyone I knew, really. And that "burden" as we called it...

That's exactly what it was. A burden.

And it nearly crushed me.

That evening I went into a very dark place. So dark, the light almost went out. If I tried to describe my experience, the experience itself would be cheapened.

In that moment, hope died.

And in some way, I did too.

Meaninglessness. The endless rat race of life. Raising kids so they can raise kids so they can raise kids so they can raise kids. And getting jobs so we can all keep raising the kids.

And so the hamster wheel spins.

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Last year I read an incredible book by Eckhart Tolle—The Power of Now. Drop everything and go read that book.

Here's the shocking truth: Mentally, emotionally, we're not here in this moment. We're in the past, grieving, regretting, or remembering, or we're in the future with anxiety or anticipation.

Yet, there's only one thing that will ever be real.

That will ever "be."

What is it?

This present moment.

This moment.

The past is gone, the future hasn't happened. They only exist in the realm of memory and anticipation.

But this moment? This moment is real.

This moment, we have.

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Heaven kept me in the future. Anticipation. Preparation for someday.

And it kept me in the past. Repentance of sins. Regret, remorse.

But nihilism?

What if there is no hell? What if we just let the afterlife be whatever it is, or isn't, and just really got to living in the here and now instead?

At first the head-first cold plunge into nihilism was beyond devastating... there are no words to describe the despair of ultimate meaninglessness. What if "God" and an afterlife only exist in the realm of fairy tale and myth?

Unknowable.

But then the shocking happens. The indescribable.

The plot twist.

If there isn't some cosmological reward and punishment system, some deity scrutinizing from the sky...

Then in that realization we wake up to the most profound truth: the one thing we know beyond the shadow of a doubt that truly is...

Is this moment.

And in that realization, we receive an invitation.

An invitation to step fully—heart, soul, and mind—into this present moment.

What would it feel like to be fully present? For our awareness to be fully in the here and now? What would it feel like to stop performing? To stop hoping, wishing, regretting, and daydreaming—

And sink fully into the truth of this moment.

Look around you. Take it in. What colors and textures do you see? What emotions are coursing through you right now? Do you see the face of someone you love? What would it feel like to laugh and play right here in this moment?

“So I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 8:15)

What would it feel like to truly enjoy life—this present moment—in a way you could only dream?