Marriage, the Church, & Holy Rebellion Parallels.

What if Childhood, Marriage, and our Spirituality were parallel journeys that come in four phases?

Stages of Childhood:

I recently learned that there’s a process that’s supposed to be followed to mature out of childhood:

Attach → Detach → Connect.

Attachment Phase → We’re born enmeshed. We think we’re one with our mom. It’s beautiful, warm, and safe. We nurse. We snuggle, we coooo and giggle.

Differentiation Phase → But then the toddler years hit. Holy toledo. Holy tantrums!

Crisis / Independence Phase → There’s a reason the word “threenager” got invented. The teenage years. It’s the rocket ship blasting off into space, exiting earth’s orbit. And if it feels intense, maybe that’s because it’s supposed to.

Connection Phase → Now you’re separate from your parents, if this phase is completed as it should be. Some things are still similar, but most are pretty different now. Different interests, hobbies, beliefs, personalities.

This is essential!

Because this step is connection—relationship. Relationship is the energy of connection formed in the space between two things. If the two things are completely melded into one, there can be no relationship, only enmeshment–because there is no space in between.

Stages of Marriage:

Marriage often follows the same journey as life itself:

The Honeymoon Phase → Like the nursing baby stage. Close. Sweet. Safe. All connection and attachment.

The Conflict Phase → Happens around years 2–3 in marriage. Like the toddler years. Tantrums, frustration, missing that early closeness. This is when you’re meant to start differentiating—developing as your own person—just like a child must.

The Crisis Phase → Often around 7–10 years in. The “teenage years” of marriage. You feel you’ve lost yourself. What once felt protective now feels controlling. This is where many couples face separation, divorce, or an affair.

The Intimacy Phase → If you can form a connection after the crisis phase, this is where intimacy is born. You love each other because of your differences rather than in spite of them. This is when true closeness blossoms, because it’s connection without losing yourself.

It’s easy to lose yourself in a marriage. So, so easy. It’s that feeling of being suffocated. Of forgetting who you are. Of feeling dead inside. And it’s just a stage.

What if it’s the death of one stage and a sacred invitation to the next one?

I hear this from women almost every day. They lost themselves in their marriage. They don’t even know who they are anymore. It’s been so many years, they can’t remember. I think men feel this way too to be honest–they just don’t say it as often.

Here’s what never gets talked about: the holy rebellion. The overthrowing. The uprising.

As much as your husband loves you, it is your sacred duty to find yourself again. Just as it's your sacred duty to "overthrow" the rule of your parents.

You know what happens when you throw wet wood on a fire? The flame gets suffocated. Sometimes that is what marriage can feel like.

But if a strong flame can flare up somewhere… eventually the rest of the wood will dry and begin to… blaze.

What if that’s the feminine call? The sacred feminine uprising? And remember–both men and women have the feminine within. The creativity, the curiosity, the compassion. What would it feel like to find enough oxygen for yourself–enough space–to let that fire burn again?

What if–women–instead of submitting to your husband… what if finding yourself and becoming who you truly are… was the fire that brought intimacy back to life in your marriage? What if your husband got crazy about you again because he sees your spark… and he wants more of it?

Stages of Spirituality:

What if "church" unfolds through the same stages?

Attachment Phase → Taught by your teachers, elders, pastors. Nurtured along.

Conflict / Questioning Phase → Something in us stirs. Something awakens. You question. Something feels off.

Crisis Phase → Something inside of you awakens. Authentic, organic, beautiful. You fondly remember your younger self, but religion just doesn't fit anymore. You've outgrown it.

Intimacy with the Divine → That something new springs to life inside of you. Could it be the well of water that never runs dry? You're not lead anymore by a man in the pulpit or even a Deity in the sky. You move from the Divine within.

It’s rare to find a church that isn’t based on hierarchy—the leaders teaching the underlings. But I’m going to say it–what if “church” is the wet wood suffocating your true, intimate connection with the Divine?

The leaders, the pastors? They’re just people. When they go to bed at night they ask the same questions and fight the exact same demons that you do. That doesn’t make them wicked. It makes them human. Just like you, just like me.

And what if… when we talk about a “revival”... breathing the Spirit back into the Faith… what if the sacred path… the spark that would start a revolution… Was it a Sacred Rebellion?

Remember, the church has been run by men for, I don't know, 2000 years?

What if the "Great Awakening" is the collective uprising of the feminine within?