Sinless Perfection Stole my Sanity

Aug 17

I ran out of gas today.
Side of the highway, far from home.
(Come on, we've all done it once???)

Guess who rescued me?
An Adventist friend from long ago.

Look.
Christians... Adventists... They're great people. By and large.
I just want to take a moment and acknowledge that. I still feel close and connected with Adventists.
And most of them are deeply committed to genuinely being great people.

I know my posts can sound like I'm attacking the people. I'm not. That's not the point. Even the difficult ones were MADE that way largely by the system itself.

THAT'S my point. Even the difficult ones are in many ways victims of the system too.

Sometimes it's hard to find the words to express what I feel deep down.
It's not the people.
It's the system.
It's the messaging.
And more than anything else...

It's
Oh. So. Subtle.

Most Adventists don't read Ellen White.
Heck, they might not read their Bibles.
But me?
I binged her like a hot Netflix season.
I went in deeeeep.

It was the investigative judgment theology that contained my religious trauma as well as how that theology shaped others in my circle.
I was just thinking today on how it was such a catch 22.

You must stop sinning.
But you must not effort.
Only Jesus can do this work in you.
Your only work is to surrender.
And it drove me mad.

There were two big problems:

First being, define sin!

Cut and dry, black and white...
If me being saved depends on NOT doing something... I'm gonna need all the deets!!!
(And mushy guidelines on swimming on Sabbath isn't gonna cut it!!)

Secondly, if I sincerely TRY to surrender to Jesus with ALL my heart and beg Him to help me stop sinning, but I'm still sinning...

Is that my fault or His?
Well by default it can't be His. So then it's mine.